Bunny's Big Gay Alledged To Be A Closet
Heterosexual
West Hollywierd, CA- The truth may be
"out" there- but it may not be what you think. Big Gay Al, The WFFL's 2003 MVP
and current leading passer in 2004, is famous for his flamboyant personality and lust for
men. But that may all be a fraud after reports surfaced of a very masculine-appearing Al
at an L.A. strip joint.
"He was fondling some chick giving him a lap dance- I saw the whole thing!" said
Spearmint Rhino manager Bucky Dent.
When reached for comment, Big Gay Al had this to say, "Sweety when I get a few drinks
in me I don't know what I'm slurping anymore!"
Big Gay Al was undrafted out of South Park, Colorado in 2000 due to "innappropriate
behavior" in the locker room and many believed he would never play football for a
living- but he has blossomed into quite the dashing young Bunny leading his fellow Fairys
to victory each week.
The woman-groping news came as quite a shock to the notoriously Queer West Hollywood
community. "We're outraged!" squealed WR Paul Packfudge "He makes us all
look bad carousing around with women like that!"
Some of his opponents have long suspected him of being a closeted heterosexual. "Oh
come on! Look at the way his limp wrist flicks the ball 50 yards on a rope! No real faggot
can do that! At least not with a football!" moaned L.A. Buckets DE Stanley Hass.
"I mean every game they manhandle the other team. Maybe they are all straight and
it's just a cover-up!"
Oh the SCANDAL of it all!
West Hollywood hosts the L.A. Buckets in Week 8.
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By foxsports
Colorado woman: Big Gay Al, I am raising your son
Big Gay Al and the Fluffy Pink Bunnies just can't stay out of the news. "Another
skeleton has been released from the closet", an undisclosed source close to Big Gay
Al stated.
A Colorado Woman claims her son’s dad is in fact Big Gay Al. Her attorney released
the following statement:
"My client does not wish to be identified, she just wants to live her life in peace.
While it is true that her son’s father is Big Gay Al, she does not wish to cause
problems for her ex-lover. Due to all the press coverage and 'freaks' that pop up due to
all the publicity, we have no other option than to place them in the witness protection
program for their own safety. This is the only statement that will be released and you
will never hear from us again. Please respect my client’s privacy and drop the whole
thing. My client would also like to express that she still loves Big Gay Al. Thank
you."
The off the field woes started in week 3 with a bench clearing brawl against Pike Place
and things have steadily gotten worse. The latest stunts of disappearing for an entire
week before the Savannah game and then showing up 5 minutes before kickoff with 20,000
crazy Bunny fans have brought much grief and ill will to West Hollywood and the team.
DE David Bumlover sat down with us to give us some insight how things are going in the
locker room. He told us, "The last thing we needed was for our fearless leader to get
himself involved in a scandal! I mean, damn.....he is the glue that holds us
together....and these latest reports that have come out are just devastating. We’ve
gone through so much craziness this year and now this? Seriously our whole season is in
jeopardy now. There is so much chaos. I can't handle this right now, I need to go stare at
the picture I have of Captain Whidbey’s ass and focus on our next game!.” A very
distraught Bumlover abruptly left in the middle of our interview.
Fox Sports has learned that a new "Disciplinarian" has been hired by West
Hollywood to try and bring some stability to the team.
"You know we really need that, I can't believe I am at the point that I am saying the
53 players and coaches here need a babysitter, but that’s what it has come down to.
We should not have disappeared for a week like we did before Savannah, and that stunt of
driving in with all our fans right before kickoff was really stupid. My own family hates
me right now, this is crazy, I just hope this washes over soon so we can concentrate on
football.”-RB Juicy Cheeks.
“I give a (beep) (beep) (beep) about all this horse (beep). I am gonna ignore all
this (bleep) and concentrate on those (beep) (beep) Fish Flingers.”-CB Brian
McScrotum
The Fluffy Pink Bunnies host the Fish Flingers in week 7.
Big Gay Al could not be reached for comment.
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Big Gay Al Throws Like A Girl, And Is A Bitch
To Beat
West Hollywood- The big rematch is upon us
this week. The L.A. Buckets (4-3) visit the W.H. Fluffy Pink Punnies (6-1) coming off
their first loss of the season in an upset shocker against Pike Place (2-5) last week.
The Bunnies had their way with the Buckets in Week 4 blowing them out 38-26 after L.A.'s
momentum was snuffed out after an early surge.
"They really took it to us in that game," Buckets coach Tando said. "Pun
intended."